Yesterday, I realized that Summer could not be survived with the small scrap of deodorant I had left. The once thick, full, and delicious-smelling Gillette Power Strip antiperspirant had turned into a chalky mess that, like a scared turtle, would come no further out of its shell. So, smelling of hippy and posters I ventured to a local Walmart where, to my great surprise, I could not find my particular brand. I really do enjoy the power strip...for some reason I feel that it works better than other similar "power stripe" varieties. Instead, I came home with the go-to standard, Degree brand deodorant, wishing I had just driven to Target and gotten what I would actually want to put under my arms.
Having slept a full fifteen hours in my muggy, poorly ventilated bedroom, soaking the sheets with sweat, I arose to shower. Finishing my routine, I cracked open the new deodorant, pulling the plastic cap off and pushing the fresh new stick from its case. Imagine my surprise when, much like a fortune cookie, the top of my deodorant bore a positive message...a little something to get me through the day.
"Go for it," it read in bold sporty type imprinted across the top.
Go for what? More deodorant? But I just bought some. Ohhhh, maybe I should take life by the horns, or some nonsense like that! I get it now. Wow, I am totally inspired. Never before has a stick of cancer-causing scents inspired me so much. I am gonna go out. I'm gonna take the world by storm, and do all of this smelling fabulous (but not quite as fabulous as I would if my old deodorant had a)lived longer and b)been so inspiring.
So, today I walk with a new skip in my step. I am a strong, empowered individual and I owe it all to a stick of deodorant. Now I can sit on my stool in my poster shop and think, "Gee, I've done pretty good for myself. I really went for it."
Thanks Degree.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Kim Jong-ILL
Two days ago I started to think that I might be getting sick. There was the standard tingle in the back of my throat, a light cough developing, and just a hint of fever. Since all of these are easily ignored, I did just that, continuing my cycle of working-drinking-smoking-etc.
Yesterday my voice started to go in and out, scratchy to husky, the cough got worse, and I started drinking at around 6 PM. I eventually passed out on the couch downstairs and slept until about 4:30 AM.
At 4:30 AM today, it seemed as if a herd of elephants had come and trampled my chest, leaving everything inside a liquidy pulp that must be painfully coughed out. When I'm not coughing I'm wheezing, when I'm not wheezing I'm sweating, and when I stop sweating will probably be right around the time I actually die. Reasoning? Seemingly high fever+90 degree weather without AC+debilitating cough+deliriousness=death. It is a simple equation we all know.
As such, you should all probably say goodbye to me. It has been a long time since I felt this sick...and I get sick a lot. I, in all honesty, might actually die.
And if this sickness doesn't get me, it sure sounds an awful lot like Kim Jong-Il will finish me off. According to BBC news, the North Koreans tested a ballistic missile with the capability of reaching the US outlying territory of Guam! My dear God, not Guam! Where would we get our...wait, what does Guam have?
Regardless of Guam's exports or political status, I don't think there are very many people in the US that really even know Guam is part of the country. More than that, I don't think they'd care that North Korea has the ability to blow up an island that, strategically, would do nothing.
The reason I bring this up is because the last line of the article states that North Korea has the ability to blow up Guam, and makes sure we know it is a US territory. Why would the BBC put that there? A scary yet subtle reminder of our country's poor standing with the international community? Well, if you're gonna do that they'd better be able to hit the west coast or something. I mean, otherwise what is the point. I really don't think we care that much about Guam and, if we did, we would have allowed them statehood the last 900 times they asked for it. We just want them to let us build our military bases there. Is that too much to ask?
Having now looked up what, exactly, Guam does (nothing but allow the US to sit on their face--militarily), I can see why Kim Jong-Il might fancy a missile that can reach it. Of course, Guam is probably littered with nuclear weapons silos, and I am sure that if North Korea did anything it would be the shortest nuclear war imaginable....and North Korea wouldn't be a problem/exist any more... Man this is looking better and better. C'mon, Kimmy, the illest Il in all of Asia, test our mettle. What do we have to lose? Guam?
Pretty soon I will be heading off to the poster shop. I started working there before exams started and now put in around 40 hours a week (or more) doing nothing at all. It takes ten minutes to open the store and ten minutes to close the store. I spend the other ten HOURS reading books, online newspapers, magazines, or anything that I can. I mean anything....with the amount of time I spend on IMDB these days, I should be the reigning Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon champion of the world. Similarly, I could link any person at Ithaca College back to me, thanks to facebook, in a game I like to call "Six Degrees of..." well, it doesn't rhyme. Still, I could do it. Just try me...
With this incredible "free time," I have also become quite addicted to reading the news, as well as more worthless pursuits like that just mentioned. Hence this little bit of fun regarding North Korea, who I actually wouldn't mind blowing up. More than anything, reading so much news has only served to infuriate me at the sorry state of the world. While I knew the world generally lay in shambles, I didn't know to what extent. If this newfound knowledge has taught me anything, it is that the only thing we can do is continue to bitch about all of them. So, I restarted this blog. With all this time spent in a poster shop, I am sure the postings will come frequently. Hopefully they will be slightly less scatterbrained than this one. Bear with me...I have a fever and my room is as hot as the fucking Mojave.
Yesterday my voice started to go in and out, scratchy to husky, the cough got worse, and I started drinking at around 6 PM. I eventually passed out on the couch downstairs and slept until about 4:30 AM.
At 4:30 AM today, it seemed as if a herd of elephants had come and trampled my chest, leaving everything inside a liquidy pulp that must be painfully coughed out. When I'm not coughing I'm wheezing, when I'm not wheezing I'm sweating, and when I stop sweating will probably be right around the time I actually die. Reasoning? Seemingly high fever+90 degree weather without AC+debilitating cough+deliriousness=death. It is a simple equation we all know.
As such, you should all probably say goodbye to me. It has been a long time since I felt this sick...and I get sick a lot. I, in all honesty, might actually die.
And if this sickness doesn't get me, it sure sounds an awful lot like Kim Jong-Il will finish me off. According to BBC news, the North Koreans tested a ballistic missile with the capability of reaching the US outlying territory of Guam! My dear God, not Guam! Where would we get our...wait, what does Guam have?
Regardless of Guam's exports or political status, I don't think there are very many people in the US that really even know Guam is part of the country. More than that, I don't think they'd care that North Korea has the ability to blow up an island that, strategically, would do nothing.
The reason I bring this up is because the last line of the article states that North Korea has the ability to blow up Guam, and makes sure we know it is a US territory. Why would the BBC put that there? A scary yet subtle reminder of our country's poor standing with the international community? Well, if you're gonna do that they'd better be able to hit the west coast or something. I mean, otherwise what is the point. I really don't think we care that much about Guam and, if we did, we would have allowed them statehood the last 900 times they asked for it. We just want them to let us build our military bases there. Is that too much to ask?
Having now looked up what, exactly, Guam does (nothing but allow the US to sit on their face--militarily), I can see why Kim Jong-Il might fancy a missile that can reach it. Of course, Guam is probably littered with nuclear weapons silos, and I am sure that if North Korea did anything it would be the shortest nuclear war imaginable....and North Korea wouldn't be a problem/exist any more... Man this is looking better and better. C'mon, Kimmy, the illest Il in all of Asia, test our mettle. What do we have to lose? Guam?
Pretty soon I will be heading off to the poster shop. I started working there before exams started and now put in around 40 hours a week (or more) doing nothing at all. It takes ten minutes to open the store and ten minutes to close the store. I spend the other ten HOURS reading books, online newspapers, magazines, or anything that I can. I mean anything....with the amount of time I spend on IMDB these days, I should be the reigning Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon champion of the world. Similarly, I could link any person at Ithaca College back to me, thanks to facebook, in a game I like to call "Six Degrees of..." well, it doesn't rhyme. Still, I could do it. Just try me...
With this incredible "free time," I have also become quite addicted to reading the news, as well as more worthless pursuits like that just mentioned. Hence this little bit of fun regarding North Korea, who I actually wouldn't mind blowing up. More than anything, reading so much news has only served to infuriate me at the sorry state of the world. While I knew the world generally lay in shambles, I didn't know to what extent. If this newfound knowledge has taught me anything, it is that the only thing we can do is continue to bitch about all of them. So, I restarted this blog. With all this time spent in a poster shop, I am sure the postings will come frequently. Hopefully they will be slightly less scatterbrained than this one. Bear with me...I have a fever and my room is as hot as the fucking Mojave.
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